I love how I look
without make up.
I love the shape of my
the shape of my eyes,
and the shape
of my lips.
I saw a girl come out
of gym class
a couple weeks ago.
She had no make up on.
Usually, this girl was powerful.
She was all the boys
talked about.
Girls were
intimidated by her.
With no make up,
she looked lifeless
and powerless.
Her personality had
completely changed
because of her own appearance.
When I saw her without make-up,
I thought,
I will always be the same,
with or without makeup,
with or without perfect hair,
or cute clothes.
I will always be me.

Today in Sacrament Meeting,
Lindsey came and sat
next to me.
She is moving,
and is avoiding it by
coming to church while
her family packs.
I will miss Lindsey.
She has a special spirit.
She smiles, hugs,
and makes everyone happy.
I tried not to cry
when she sat next to me.
“I will miss you so much.
You know I love you, right?”
She looked at me, “I know, Anne.”
Erich and I left early
after Sunday School.
Ana was speaking at her ward,
and we wanted to see.
Erich drove us over
and we talked about
all kinds of things.
I love Erich.
I love how he notices things
and how I can talk to him
about everything.
Ana did great on her talk.
It was about “Little Things.”
I felt the spirit.
I didn’t know how great of a
writer she was,
without the
million smiley faces and
exclamation points.
I love Ana.
I love her strong and loving
I love it that she can read me.
Erich drove us home.

I told a boy that I wasn’t ready
for a “one one one” relationship.
He said he didn’t understand.
I said back, “I really like you,
but… I don’t want to be in any
relationship. Dating different
people is good, so go have fun!”
He said, “I know, I really
like you too.”
Uhh, yeah. He completely missed
the whole “BUT DOT DOT DOT”
I told him I had to go
and went to take a shower.
I banged my head
against the shower wall,
and stood there until
the water went cold,
which meant I was in
for a good 25 minutes.
I got out and checked my phone.
Six new texts and a voicemail
from Ana.
“Anne… Are you okay?
I think there is something you
need to tell me. Call me back.”
I checked my texts.
1 (Boy)-“Are you mad at me!! :(“
2 (Ana)-“Anne, are you okay? :/”
3 (Boy)-“You’re mad at me!”
4 (Ana)-“Hey, (boy) just texted me
and asked if you were texting me
back, and you’re not! What’s up?”
5 (Ana)-“Anne Louise! Answer! I’m
getting worried here! :S :S”
6 (Ana)-“Hey, (boy) just forwarded me
your whole convo. Do u need
to talk?”
Wow, text message world.
I was just taking a shower!

I told you,
I don’t want to turn sixteen.
I don’t want to deal with boys.
The thing about this one,
I do like him.
But along with other guys
I want to date.
I just want him to
ask me out later
and go date other people for now.
Let me be.

I ignored the whole thing.
Erich called me
and we talked about
our silly relationship

I wish I could live life
without hurting people.
Without turning them down,
changing friends,
moving on.
I wish I could give everyone hugs
and not have to think
that I’m “leading them on.”
Can’t I just love everyone
and everything
without hurting someone?

Now. For the Unsent Letter:

Dear “Bo”,
Well. You really blew it.
I wanted to date you when
I turned sixteen,
and you wanted to date me.
Ha! Not anymore, Mister.
It was going to be so fun.
I thought, Prom. If he
asks me to prom, we’re going
to have the best time ever.

This week,
you told me
that you hate journalism.

I should have realized right then,
Man, what a loser.
That’s all I do. Write!
It’s my thing.
It’s what I want to do.
And you hate it!

Do you want to know
what I was thinking when I realized
that “thing” was missing?
I thought,
Man. Whoever took it
has absolutely no respect for me.
They don’t want to hear
anything I say.
They don’t care.

I thought,
Man. What a loser.
And it was you.
I didn’t think it was funny
when you told me.
You knew I didn’t think
it was funny,
yet you laughed.
It was you.
Do you know how much that hurt?
That someone I thought
was so easy to talk to,
was the one to take it.
I just realized it.
What a loser.
It took me this long
to figure out.
Don’t even try, Bo.
You know what my answer is.
–Anne Louise.

I’m in bed
and can’t remember if I prayed.
Better get on my knees
just in case.

1 Comment

  1. Sorry Anne for all your “relationship” wanna-be’s and not wanting to turn 16. That’s why I was afraid to turn 16, but I haven’t been asked out on 1 date yet, and I’m 17! I think people know my personality, and are kind of intimidated by it and decide not to ask because they’re afraid I’ll turn them down because I don’t like dating… or, there aren’t people to like me enough to ask. Oh well, it’s a free life without boys all over me, so I enjoy it. Try to engoy it too.

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