Homesickness is sneaking up on me. It’s dark and dreary outside, and things are frustrating. German is so hard. I’m sick of not being able to say everything I want to. I’m studying 24/7. Still, my German is scheiße. Friends are also a problem. I have bunches of friends and hang out with them often, but it’s not this, “Wow, that was an awesome day. I want to do that again!” feeling. I keep thinking about my friends back home. I always had fun hang-out groups back home.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard right now if everything else wasn’t so stressful. Josa is studying for her test and coming home late from work. Ann-Kathrin and her boyfriend Nico broke up. Sophie and Marie aren’t doing their homework. Lots of yelling, screaming, and crying.

I miss my dad. I flip through photos of him because they make me smile. Dad makes me smile. I miss talking to him.

I usually talk to Josa and Herbert after dinner for a half an hour or so. But lately, Josa is constantly on the phone. Herbert and I used to wait until she got off the phone, but now I go up into my room and study. I realize how important it is for me to talk with Josa and Herbert every day. Otherwise, I feel alone. Especially right now, when I’m not talking to my mom and other people. Josa thinks I’m crazy for only talking to my mom once a month. “If Ann-Kathrin went to America for a year, I’d be calling her every day. Your mom is suffering, Anne.” Yeah yeah, Josa.

A little drop of sadness in my Germany life.

-Annika, Anna, and I took the train to Düren to see New Moon. Horrible acting. Horrible animation. We laughed through the whole thing.
-Alina, Salina, Kim, Ramona, and I talked about religion on the bus today. Alina and Salina are Muslim, Kim is Protestant, Ramona is catholic, and I’m Mormon. We had fun. I love the bus ride home.
-Herr Mangold (my class teacher) and I joke around with each other. I speak to him in plattdeutsch, which is the German dialect in my region. Oma and Opa speak plattdeutsch, so I can mimic the dialect pretty well. He thinks it’s hilarious. “Herr Mangold! Ich krieg so ne Krawatte!” I say, which is translated, “I am getting this big of a tie!” but really means, “I am super pissed off!” He always has a funny reply.
-(Writing this 2 hours later…) Josa, Herbert and I talked from 7:30 to 11:00pm. We sat at the table and told stories. Then I told them about my German and how it’s still sucking. Herbert said, “You’re too hard on yourself, Anne. If you only think ‘I can be better, I’m not good enough’, you’ll make yourself sick. It’s not good for your spirit. Your German is good as it is. You are good, Anne. Tell yourself that.”
-Josa put highlights in my hair. We bought color dye earlier today. “You have so much hair!” she said.
“Yeah. Crazy Lion hair.”
The highlights look good. But I want to cut my hair. A little above my shoulders.
-I just got an email from my Louise. She said: “Somebody found your purse with $176 of babysitting money in it down
stairs in the basement. bedroom. Wow how long has that been missing.”
What an awesome email to end my day.


  1. I’d love to hear you imitate the opa and oma.

    About finding the purse: it shows you often I clean anything down there!

    Mira and I went out and bought her a slutty black dress with rhinestones and silver slippers. She said, “I’m sure glad I came over when you wanted to go shopping.” HA. I bought myself some striped socks to remind me of you. I’m wearing them now.

  2. That wasn’t Rabbit, it was Louise.

  3. Oh dear Anne, we miss you like crazy. Especially this time of year.

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