Writing blog post on notebook paper, 1:07 a.m.

I can’t find my journal. And I can’t find my rainbow journal from Germany. Anyway.

Thursday – I received an acceptance email from the University of California-Davis. California! Out-of-state! Good creative writing program! Better language department than the U!

Oh yeah, except that it’s about $35,000 dollars/yr.

But when I read “Congratulations!” on the email, I just thought, no way. There was no way. I was accepted. I couldn’t stop smiling the rest of the day.

“That’s where I’m going, Mom. It’s decided. I’m going to Davis!” I sang through the aisles of Harmons while Mom pushed the grocery cart. “IIIIIII got ACCEPTEEEEEED to DAAAAAVIS. Tra la la la!”

Friday – Two doctor appointments. One about my feet, one about my knees. The foot appointment was a waste of time. But the knees… The physical therapist asked me to do all of these exercises from walking to running to simply bending my knees on one leg. I told her my knees hurt a lot. They feel weak when I stand up, get out of bed, walk up the stairs, and give people piggyback rides. After twenty minutes of doing different exercises, she told me my knees on their own are pretty strong. But my hips are very weak. Physical therapy for the next three months. Yoohoo.

I’m obsessed with the thought of going to Davis for school. I’ve been online all weekend looking for scholarships and applying. Davis is where I want to go. I’ve always wanted to go out-of-state. But, unfortunately, I haven’t prepared myself financially.

I’m not going to give up, though. Not until I have a final answer of what school I’m going to. I’m sick of giving up this year and hiding what I really want and thinking all of my desires are just fantasies. And I’m sick of everyone else thinking they’re fantasies too.

Sooooo. Until I know for sure where I’m going, I’m just going to work my butt off with grants, finding jobs (I have an interview on Wednesday!), and scholarships.

(I should have done this months ago, but I was in the dumps months ago. Better late than never.)

I hate this post. I hate it hate it hate it. I hate talking about these things and showing how excited I am because I hate being let down and I hate people seeing that I’m hurt. Intead I usually I just put on this “chill” mood all of the time. “Oh, yeah, I don’t care where I go to college, oh yeah, I don’t care…” bull!

i’m rambling. it’s late.


  1. I like your enthusiasm!

  2. i know how you feel, you let everyone know you don´t care and on the outside yioure happy and bubbly but really you know what you want or not and then fight with yourself…. and then explode. well at least thats how i felt the past few days.

    do what you want. you made it to germany so you can make it to cali. 😉

  3. Haha. I love you, Sandra.

  4. Anonymous

    what about a bake sale? Or friend and relative contributions? Or running a marathon and fund raise for each mile (oh, wait – the hips might not manage it)…
    local scholarships? have you called the financial aid dept at davis to get their input?

    where there is a will, there is a way

  5. Hey Anne! Congrats on the acceptance, it’s amazing! Don’t give up, I know you can find a way. You have such an amazing talent with writing, I can’t wait to see what you do with your future! Good Luck with the scholarships, etc!!

  6. Greetings from Norway! Surfing through blogs, came across yours. Your writing is very good and engaging, good luck at uni! I’m sure you’ll love it. Wish you had a “follow blog” button as it would be exciting to see what happens to you in the future 🙂

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