Let’s face it… I’M SCARED OF KISSING!

When I was younger, my friends and I would talk about dating and try to understand dating vs. a steady relationship. We didn’t understand how long it took to date someone before it became a relationship. We asked a couple adults around and they said that the third date is when things get serious. OR the third date was usually when the first kiss happens. I took that belief as my own for years and years until I actually started dating.

But the thing is, the third date still makes me nervous. I have yet to call a guy back after the second date. Because whether the third date is or isn’t the “First Kiss,” I don’t want to be there to find out!

On my first two dates with a couple of guys, we’ve talked about…

-their mission
-my experience in Germany
-how many siblings they have
-what we want to do as a living
-what we’re majoring in
-what our favorite music is
-where we shop
-what we do for fun
-who our best friends are
-favorite food

And I think all of that is fine and dandy and of course important things to know about a person, but do I have to kiss them after that?

And the thing is, I like them all! I think they’re all wonderful guys. But I don’t want to kiss them.

Is it my own fear of committing? Is it my own fear of letting people into my bubble? Am I just not attracted to them enough?

Perhaps it’s not that I’m afraid of kissing. Because I do like to kiss and I feel quite comfortable kissing. But kissing matters to me. I don’t like to think that every guy that comes around gets a little piece of me and my muah!

But then… If it is that I’m just not physically attracted to them…

If I am not physically attracted enough to kiss them by the third date, should I be dating them at all?

Ugh. Dating. It’s so weird.


  1. Anne, I totally get what you’re saying…and I remember feeling the same way SO many times during my college dating years. Here’s the thing. If you don’t want to kiss them…then that is a pretty good sign that you shouldn’t. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t date someone. Because you never know where it could go or when your feelings could change! But there will come a point where you will have to say…”hey it’s been a while and I still don’t want to kiss him. this is just a friend.” Then you put an end to it immediately, because leading a guy on isn’t cool.

    But trust me. One day there will be a guy that makes you so comfortable and so giddy…you will be THRILLED for the 3rd date! And there will be no fear! I fell in love with my husband on the 3rd date;-)

    (Megan Nelson)

  2. Anne, with my wealth of knowledge as a girl who has had ONE relationship with ONE boy who has only ever been in ONE relationship (yeah, we’re weird. and cute. go ahead, pat me on the head.) I just think that you should date in a way that feels natural to you. Forget time lines and norms. Its your life. Do it how you want to.

  3. I dated a ton in college. It was fun. It helped me know what I did/didn’t want in a man. (I know you hear that a lot, it is true).
    I kissed some, didn’t kiss others.
    But I’ll say this. I wanted to kiss Ed on the first date and that was rare. It’s a good sign. Follow your intuition.

  4. Ugh. Dating. How did we start that mumbo jumbo? We were just making motorcycle noises and “dating” yesterday. Hahaha.

    But “The Kiss”…. I say do what feels right. Don’t kiss if you don’t really like them. Gosh, I don’t know. It’s interesting you tell me because apparently everyone knows I hardly ever go on a second date. They call me “untouchable” because no one ever gets past the first (is that bad to say coming from me? Haha) Except for the guy you approved. We’ve had seven dates. No kiss. For a long time, thank you very much. I think I must not be the kissing type. Go according to what you feel! And man up for the third date if you want 🙂

    Argh. It’s too early. Why am I writing?

  5. Ok. I just read my last comment and that didn’t make any sense to me. Hopefully you can interpret at least something because I sure don’t know exactly what I was saying.

    Love you!

  6. Don’t kiss anyone you don’t feel like kissing. That’s the only rule.

  7. Megan, I read your blog about your husband and nearly died. I want a husband just like yours! Thanks for the good dating advice. I need it.

    Mikell–Thank you thank you! My “natural” way of doing things is NOT having a date longer than two hours, which doesn’t seem to work out for any guy. Maybe when I find my man (haha!), it’ll be when I can withstand over two hours with him.

    Dede, I started a date book, where I can write down things I like about guys and what I’m also learning about myself. It’s fun and I’m able to see what I care about the most in a guy. I will follow my intuition. (By the way, that is the CUTEST thing ever! Eee!)

    Loira, we need to talk guys sometime.

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