I did not take any pictures at my party, which means there are no pictures from my party. (See what happens when it’s the photographer’s birthday?) But imagine my yellow house. Dim lights. Éclairs, chocolates, an assortment of fruits inside ice cream cones, chips, and all kinds of drinks (Coca Cola in the glass bottles—very classy, IZZE’s, sparkling cider, Mexican sodas, etc…). Speakers on the piano playing Pandora’s “Kesha” playlist (dance party music.)

I wore the dress Grandma Lindsay bought me for my birthday. It has a low cut (which I can wear without looking risqué since I have the flattest chest on the planet) and shows off my neck and shoulders. I wore tights and leather high heel boots and wore dark eye shadow. My hair was curly.

Then there was Ana who, like always, dressed like a diva with high heels, a tight skirt, and a red top. The boys awed and circled her the rest of the night. Sam (Spencer’s best friend) tried to hook her up with Kyle (BYU football player), and when the other Sam got the chance, he sat next to Ana on the piano bench. He never left the piano bench.

Megan’s laugh carried through the rooms as Sam and Jake entertained the audience. Chelsea and Alex crossed their legs and sat at the island. The Gamenighters and cousins grouped together in the kitchen. Tony and Dallin walked through each room, listening in on conversations. Garrett and Ashlie made their way to the éclairs and chatted with Curt. My mom made her way through the groups with her loud, unique laugh, enjoying every bit of the party. My dad went to Spencer’s friends to hear all of the obscure stories.

There were great stories told, random dancing on the coffee table, friends petting Spencer’s beard to piss him off, flirting, kissing (Ana kissed Sam’s owie, Sam kissed everybody when saying goodbye), and more.

They all had a good time. And my parents now have ten more Facebook friends.

But yes. I was anxious the Whole. Entire. Time. So anxious that I at one point crept outside and breathed for a couple of minutes and whispered help! to the universe. I wanted to throw up.

But, like always, no one noticed my anxiety and I went on with the night.

One day I will host a party and feel like the hot and exciting girl who knows how to have a good time and is confident that people will come to her party. She’ll accept that she cannot take care of everyone, that the party will just flow, and she can be where ever she wants to be because it is her party. She’ll be able to sit next to her boyfriend for five minutes and not worry how the rest of the room is doing. She will be relaxed and cool. She will feel that there is nothing holding her back from being exactly where and who she wants to be.

5 Comments


  1. I want to be at THAT party.

  2. Jenn

    Anne! Meg and Dia concert on Tuesday the 6th. Tarl and I are going, and I can drive. Want to come?


  3. Good times. 🙂 And stop being anxious. You’re awesome. True story.


  4. Jenn, I’d totally come, but I’m already asking that next week off of work. Bummmer!


  5. Oh and P.S. You need to message/text me your blog url!

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