First day of school:
Woke up at 5:30. Went running with Amber. Three miles.
Took a very long shower, sitting on the floor and closing my eyes.
Blow dried my hair with the diffuser which I now swear by.
Ate oatmeal with Spencer at 7:00.
Took the shuttle with Spencer to campus. Said goodbye and looked over my research paper from Kiel at the library. Read some German literature. Saw Rian across the computer room in panic. Chatted with her for an hour.
Went to class. Meh.
Went to class. Meh.
Went to class. Walked out with pure anxiety realizing that I was feeling shame. Fought all day to get shameful thoughts out of head. Realized I have a lot of shameful thoughts. Realized listening to that audio book was a blessing.
Went to the library. Did homework. Talked to some seven day adventists who bugged me but I thought hey it bugs me when no one gives a crap about my religion so go ahead and read the bible to me. It was clear we believed in different things and interpretations of the bible but it’s all trying to make people happy so there ya go.
Left for home at 7.
Cleaned the house like a maniac.
Had Heidi over to watch The Bachelor. She brought tea and pomegranate seeds. I realized I’ve never had a one-on-one girl hang out at my house until tonight.
She left at 9 and I washed the dishes. I put hot water on the stove so Spencer could have some tea when he got home. I listened to The Meaning of Marriage. I felt awful that I didn’t make dinner. Spence spent all night the weekend before cooking for lunches and the night before making a giant box of food for us. I did clean the house. I did wash the dishes. So I’m really not too terrible but I felt like it.
Spencer came home who I was so happy to see. He told me about his meh day and I was sorry it was a meh day. I told him about my meh day. I told him why I felt ashamed after my German class.
He drank tea, I drank hot chocolate.
He read Nephi 4:20-5:6 like it says on Instagram to read. I like Zoram. I don’t know why, but I always have.
I washed my face and he brushed his teeth. We said prayers. He’s reading Earth Unaware and I’m blogging on my phone. Tomorrow I will have a class with my favorite professor. I hope it goes well.