I was around rude people. Manipulative people. People who tell you you’re not enough.

There were too many of them today.

I think manipulation is the worst thing on the planet. The people who you think are nice people to do it. People who you care about do it. I do it. You do it. We all do it and it’s the worst thing on the planet. It’s just trying to make someone feel shitty about themselves in the sneakiest way possible. And it works.

I look back on moments where I felt so crummy about myself, thinking it was all MY fault, ME ME ME and how I hurt people or how I ruined everything, and when I’m out of the situation I think, what. a little. punk. They GOT me.

When someone makes me feel that sucky, I breathe and try and think, do I deserve this? And does this person deserve to do this to me? I’m really sensitive to it now. I catch it now. The minute someone says something even only slightly manipulative, I think “This person is trying to make me feel bad.” They want to blame it on me and get themselves out of it. I catch it quick.

The problem with me is I never want to let it go. It digs inside me. It shakes my soul. It plans for days, weeks, months to get revenge, to put them in their place. Justice!

But that never feels right either. So I pray it will leave me and that I will have peace.

I’ve been strong for so long. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to cry on my husband. Goodnight.


  1. Anne, This is your grandfather speaking, Grandfather Plummer. I know it feels shitty to be criticized and manipulated. Believe me, Baby, it’s all their problem, not yours. It’s called PROJECTION. They project their failures, feelings of inadequacy on you.

    Do you need some ice cream tonight?


    Jesus said you must be born again to enter the kingdom of God. What did He mean by that statement?

    John 3:1-3……3 Jesus answered and said to him, “Most assuredly , I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”(NKJV)

    Jesus did not tell Nicodemus that he had to be born the first time in order to enter the kingdom of God. He said you must be born again!

    Jesus did not tell Nicodemus that he had to exist in order to enter the kingdom of God. Every person alive, exists, how could that be a requirement to enter the kingdom of God? Jesus said he had to be born again.

    Being born of water (amniotic fluid) by natural birth is being born the first time, it is not being born again.

    John 3:5 Jesus answered, “Most assuredly, I say to you unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. (NKJV)

    Jesus said you must born of water and the Spirit to enter the kingdom of God. Remember in John 3:3 Jesus said “You must be born again.” Water can mean nothing but water baptism (immersion). Water and the Spirit are both qualifications in order to be born again.

    John 3:5 Jesus answered: I tell you for certain that before you can get into God’s kingdom, you must be born not only by water, but by the Spirit. (Contemporary English Version)

    John 3:5 Jesus answered: Amen, amen I say to thee, unless a man be born again of water and the Holy Ghost, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. (Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition)

    John 3:5 Jesus said, ‘I tell you the truth. This new birth is by water and by the Spirit. No person can enter God’s kingdom if he has not been born that way. (Worldwide English New Testament)



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  3. Thank you for your reply to my sulking. I went on a run, so that helped blow off some steam. Ice cream is always good. What are you two doing tonight?

    Also, I finished The Sufferings of Young Werther. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster.

  4. And thank you, Steve, for that… interesting comment.

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