I’ve scheduled this time of my life as procrastination time / blog time. Of course I’m supposed to be doing something right now, but it’s the end of the semester and I’ll be okay if I rush through another five pages of German. Jeez, it’s only five pages! I really should just do it, right? But I looked at the first paragraph and I don’t know what Flirren means, vorgaukelte, Fetzten–you get the point. Are you bored of me always talking about German?

P.S., Since I started my Facebook page, I’ve been able to get to know some of you secret readers and it has been so much fun. Thanks for writing me messages. I can’t believe how many of us are fellow CBYXers or German speakers. We should make an online club or something.

My favorite thing to buy on campus when I have cash in my pockets is Meadow Gold’s TruMoo Chocolate Milk. Ohhh my, I could die. I only let myself buy it if I have gone running and today Amber and I ran four and a half miles so I completely deserve chocolate milk!

Speaking of deserving things, I’ve been thinking a lot about how often we say we “deserve” something or that we are “justified” to do things. And since reading Steppenwolf, I’ve been thinking, how much of what we do on a regular basis do we really deserve? Do we really deserve and are we really justified to drive all over the place? Do we really deserve that 30-minute shower? I don’t think we should feel guilty all of the time, and I don’t think we should have to constantly pull the “people in other countries are starving” card, but I’ve been thinking about the world and my future kids and… I don’t know. I don’t want to have to admit to my kids that I took part in the increase of emissions clogging up the air, and carelessly using electricity and water and not recycling and. Blah blah, I know. When we read Steppenwolf, there is a part that talks about being inherently a sinner because of the time you lived in. And of course I don’t think we are all sinners because we’re living in the early 2000s, but it made me think.

A woman came up to me asking for money the other day and I felt so sad. I had cash in my wallet, but we’ve been counting the cents and the dollars for money and I didn’t feel like I could give it to her. I told her to have a lovely day and we drove away from the gas station. The point is, when I’m out of the negative dollar, I will give. I promise.

(But today I bought myself chocolate milk and I didn’t need that. Whatever, this whole post if full of hypocrisy)

Also, why is everyone in Salt Lake talking about the homeless lately? I understand that homeless shelters ask people not to give the homeless money and rather to donate the money to the shelter for better outcomes, but lately I’ve been in too many conversations talking about homeless people and it feels too close to the “I’m not giving them money because they don’t deserve it” side and that. makes. me. very. uncomfortable.

I want to keep talking about things, but my procrastination period is up. Have a good day.