I’m in the library in a very uncomfortable spot, and looking at everything I wrote, I TOTALLY think that’s why my post ended up the way it did. Like, I’m a little uncomfortable, a little paranoid sitting here with people walking behind me, and a little stressed out that people are so close. Haha! There’s my little warning for you.
I had a 7am-8pm day of studying and working and I’m a little drained today. Lately I’m just in the mood to talk about whatever on my blog. So sorry if I’m boring you.
I’m in a political mood. I have to hear everyone else’s politics, so why can’t I post mine? I’m always worried about ruining friendships, even though I enjoy talking politics and things slip out here and there, but for the most part I let everyone else think what they want and try not to make a fuss. Facebook tends to control what I see of everyone else’s political views, though. Like when you see a bloody dead fetus on your Facebook. If I see one more dead fetus on Facebook, I’m losing it big time. Not okay, people.
Sometimes I think I should just be that crazy person everyone talks about behind their backs and who just offends everyone all of the time (haha!)–“Did you hear what sheeee said?”– instead of repressing everything. So much of the literature I read in German are about people repressing things and not knowing what to do about it. Like, over and over again. That’s why I love German literature. It’s so real.
I worry that people already think I’m borderline wackadoo. But really I think I’m just paranoid. I’m liberal. I’m a feminist. I’m Mormon. You know, that mix of things could have something to do with my paranoia. I think we all have something about ourselves that doesn’t jive with the majority around us and makes us feel insecure.
Last night I read some of my past posts when I was 17 and 18 and I loved it. I think I’ve been able to keep this blog pretty honest without hurting people. But lately I’ve been wanting to feel more like me on the blog. I don’t really like this post. It’s giving me anxiety thinking about posting it. I guess it’s because this is all a bunch of my insecurities. And I’ll be honest, I said I was a democrat and then I changed it to liberal because for some reason to me liberal makes it feel like less people are gonna be like “whuuuu?”. And now I’m thinking about changing the baby fetus thing. Who cares, I’m posting.
I love Spencer. I love, love, love, love Spencer. I love Spencer. I’m able to be everything and anything I want to be because I’m with him. He’s kind of totally awesome.