Long time no see, peeps.
During Christmas my mom said she likes to get through January before starting new years resolutions. I thought it was a good idea as I’m always in the January shlumps. That’s why you haven’t heard much from me. I needed a break from trying stuff.
School started and I feel like I’ve been on auto-pilot. Somehow I get through my days and then I sleep and wake up and do it all over again.
On the first day of school I got laid off from my job at the U. I know it wasn’t me, but I think it always feels a little bit like it’s your fault in the back of your head. The miracle in all of this is that I got laid off an hour after signing an HR form to another job. It’s weird how it all happened because I was looking for an extra job to pay for some things of my own (that I’m going to keep vague for now). It felt like a miracle, but at the same time I was angry. I prayed an angry prayer and said, “Why would you do that? You knew exactly what it took for me to look for another job. You knew how to get me job searching. Are you taking advantage of my desires? Are you giving me false hope? Cause now I don’t have money for what I wanted. So yeah, thanks but no thanks.”
And then three hours later my FAFSA and scholarship money came in. All was well. If God spoke to me in Disney quotes, he’d say, “Patience, Iago, patience.”
So now I’m working at Church headquarters as a German-speaking customer rep. Did you hear that? I’m speaking German at my job. And I’m working with Italians, Germans, Dominicans, and Portuguese people. The church thing is cool and weird all at the same time. This is funny, though. I walked into my building and five guys in suits were carrying giant Big Gulps full of mountain dew. Guess what time it was? EIGHT THIRTY A.M.! Hahahaha. I’m like, dudes, y’all just need to grab a cup of coffee. I’ve been training for the past two weeks, so on Wednesday I’ll start taking calls. I worry that I’ll screw up a phone call. That someone will yell at me cause I’m too slow. I worry that I’m not learning the programs and information as fast as others when they do training. Worry worry worry.
I’m taking Zumba, history, Spanish, and nutrition. History is my favorite. It’s a three hour long class, once a week and it’s off campus. I enjoy this class because my teacher is funny and he laughs at others. I really hate people who crack jokes but never laugh at anyone else. It makes me super uncomfortable. But my teacher has a sincere laugh. And he says things like “I think this kind of history is boring” and “I really don’t know that answer. Someone google it.” How can you not like a history grad student who calls history boring and doesn’t act like a know-it-all professor? He’s also from Turkey and has an umlaut in his name. I think I just like people ten times more if they have an umlaut in their name.
During the week of Martin Luther King day he asked us to write in class about how race has impacted us AND how we are privileged, in regards to race. Once we were done, we discussed our answers in class. A woman raised her hand and told us that she isn’t discriminated for her race, but as a woman, she is. A man raised his hand and said as a white man he isn’t discriminated for his race, but as a gay man, he is. The conversation went on.
And quite frankly, the conversation pissed me off. Even though I agreed with every single person who spoke and at times got riled up and wanted to talk about my own experiences of being discriminated as a woman, THAT WASN’T THE QUESTION. Can we not for one second admit that we are privileged? Why are we constantly trying to show how underprivileged we are? Like, why couldn’t we just straight up answer the question? Even if someone had said, “I don’t feel privileged as a white person,” like, in ways that seems better to me than ignoring the question and coming up with reasons for being underprivileged. I don’t know why, it just bothered me so much and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Like maybe this is why we have such a hard time empathizing with others. “You have it rough, but I have it rough too!” Or what? What is it?
Haha. I’m done, folks.