My 2015 new years resolution is about faith. I didn’t have a specific goal in mind when I started thinking about resolutions. I just wanted to understand what it means to have faith and make it tangible for me, whatever that meant.
Near the end of 2014, my mom told me how she has started to pray. Instead of saying, “Please help me, God, please help me,” she said things like, “I know You are aware of this problem. I know You care. I know You love me. I know You are helping me.”
She implemented faith straight into her sentences. I started to pray like this.
I thought of Grandma and Grandpa Plummer’s testimony of the scripture Mark 11:22-24. Jesus says, “What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.” They were blown away by the present tense of the verb “receive.” Believe that you are receiving the things you desire right now. And you shall have them. They would tape their dreams to their mirrors and write them in present tense, believing they receive them now.
Last December, I wrote one of Spencer and my dreams and pasted it on our refrigerator:
I thought of Grandma and Grandpa Lindsay and Great Grandma Allen. I thought of how often I have heard them testify of Jesus Christ. I’ve always known how much they love the gospel and their knowledge of God’s love for them. They show their faith by testifying to their children and grandchildren.
Starting at the beginning of this year, I started to verbalize my love for Heavenly Father more. This has been most difficult for me. My testimony is strong, but simple, and I feel uncomfortable sharing my personal testimony.
When Spencer worried about whether or not he would receive an internship before graduating, I stuttered through my words as I tried verbalizing faith, even though I wasn’t sure myself. “I know… I know God loves you, Spence… and I know He’s aware of your desires. I know He’s working on this.”
Every time we had leftover money in our bank account at the end of the month, I’d force out a, “We were so blessed this month. Look at how much fun we had together, and we still got through school and paid off all of our bills. We have been so blessed.”
Every morning from January until May, I got in my car and prayed out loud. I am most anxious when I wake up and before I go to sleep. I felt if I prayed out loud all the way to work, I wouldn’t worry about the German leaders I had to call with bad news, or worry if I would get an angry phone call.
I thought Spencer would receive an internship in March, when his classmates got theirs and when companies were hiring. He didn’t get an internship in March. I kept struggling in April and in May to say out loud, “Heavenly Father knows what we want and He knows what we need. This is going to happen.” My prayers turned less into “I know…” and more into “I need more faith, God. Please help me have faith.”
Two months later, the chair of the mining department walked up to Spencer and asked if he was looking for an internship. The chair told a mining company that Spencer was a great student and a hard worker. A week later, Spencer had an internship. He didn’t apply. It was handed to him.
I’m learning to have more faith. I’m learning that faith brings joy and not fear of the world. I’m learning over and over that God wants me to expect miracles.